I recently saw a post by Reshma Valliappan, an inspiring 'Schizophrenist' whom I met just once but I feel an intense connection with till date. She wrote about ethical loneliness. And I finally found the word for 'it', something I had been misconstruing as a deep and disturbing uneasiness.
I should just quote Jill Stauffer here - "Ethical loneliness is the experience of being abandoned by humanity, compounded by the cruelty of wrongs not being heard. It is the result of multiple lapses on the part of human beings.... " The definition goes on but I think for me it suffices. From the indifference to outright brutality, I witness what happens in the world and the meaningless drudgery of it all. We breed in large numbers and feed on other lives, we destroy everything beautiful to build an insanely insecure and insensitive world - plastic in its glory and gory in its plan. We mock those who are true and cheer for idiots and fanatics. I often feel like it's not worth watching till the end, but I stay on as I'm still a hopeless romantic who is okay being crushed and resurrected each day. I debate within my head, I reassure myself and then plunge into a black hole for hours, naively affected by it all. I come out of it holding the bars - my family, my work, my love and my very few friends. I wish I could live a plastic life too and die a plastic death - it's just too exhausting to feel such dramatic upheavals and yet feign it all.
