बूढ़ा पल

चीज़े होती है कुछ इस रफ़्तार से आजकल,
गुमसुम सा रहता है बीता हुआ पल.
शायद मालिक पेटी से निकाल ले उसे कल,
इस असफल आस में,
उसके सफ़ेद बाल आते है निकल.

एक दिन, बूढ़ा पल
पेटी से बाहर जाता है फिसल.

मचा देता है ज़हन में, अजीब सी हलचल.

अब न मालिक उसे संभाल पाए,
न खड्डे में डाल पाए.
रफ़्तार में पढ़ा दखल,
पन्ने पलट रहे है मालिक आजकल.

आदत अपनी लगा भी देते है.

चिढ़ा चिढ़ा कर सुइयां चुभा सी देते है!
फिर पास आके,
आँखों से गुदगुदाके,
हँसा भी देते है.

उनका गुस्सा इतना है कि,
मेरा सहम गया.
बेहिचक बेहिसाब,
जिंदादिल देख उनका,
मेरा रूखा-सूखा, मेरा रूठा-ऐंठा
अहम् गया.
सिखाने से सीखने वाला
बना ही देते है.
दिल का आइना, थूक से
चमका ही देते है.
फिर पास आके,
बातों में उलझाके,
आदत अपनी लगा भी देते है.

यह बच्चे नहीं,
ज़लज़ले है.
थमने को नहीं,
थामने को चले है.
ज़ोर इतना, कि सब्र,
कम कि बोल पाता है .
गरम है चाय इतनी,
कि शक्कर का कभी कभी
स्वाद ही नहीं आता है.
फीकी हो या मीठी,
गज़ब की ताजगी से हिला ही देते है.
गिराते है और फिर चुपके से

सर पे चढ़ा भी देते है.

फिर पास आके,
कानों में फुसफुसाके,
दिल को अपना बना ही देते है.

Side effects of working at Ummeed..

Raju Sheikh

Sometimes, all it takes is a rude remark from a kid, to bring out the best in you.

Not long after I joined Ummeed, I met this taciturn, reclusive, introvert, dog-lover kid - Raju Sheikh. In a place, where everyone's quite the opposite, my heart was pleased to find a pacified soul like his. Little did I expect, that he'll stop coming to classes in less than a week. So, I confronted him. But in a wrong mood, at a wrong place with a completely wrong approach. I tell him about the rule I made seeing the computer mayhem at the home - that no English means no Computers. And this otherwise sweet kid tells me how he doesn't understand anything in my class and how I don't know how to teach.

I would have been shattered, had I not found out that he is more of a self-learner. He doesn't like being taught by any teacher at the home, doesn't even like going to school. Had I not been insulted, I am sure I would have been impressed by him. I always see him with a book, with dogs or with small kids. We didn't speak for a month or probably more than that, before I was like - Alright! That's enough! I went and hugged him, said sorry for the way I talked with him that day and asked him to give me another try. Which he does, but later comes and confesses that he still prefers studying alone with me helping him with the words he doesn't know meaning to.

So time passes by, things get great. He even starts helping me with my Bridge English class at times. But, I have this annoying habit of loosing it when I see someone disturbing my class, especially someone who doesn't belong to the class. And he being popular with the Bridge kids, sometimes unknowingly did that. So, last friday, I confronted him again in a wrong mood, at a wrong place with a completely wrong approach. And again, it is his straightforward rudeness that I comment without knowing the details (which is true btw!) that makes me rethink about so many things I almost forgot.

I didn't take this job to just teach them. I wanted to know them, to learn from them and to tell them about all these amazing things that this world is full of. I don't know why I keep forgetting that. And sometimes it takes mistakes like these to remind me. This is crazy, now I have to stay mad at him for sometime to make sure he understands that I don't appreciate rude behavior, when I actually should be thanking him. 

It's never easy around you!

Denied, defied,
new excuses I improvised..
I used to feel immune to all this,
until I found you.
And now,
it's never easy around you!

Secrets

Certain secrets are meant to be told at the right time. But certain others, are never supposed to be told. The task of differentiating one from the other is a daunting task. Not just because you need the courage to be able to face the consequences, but also because sometimes you don't know what is the right thing to do. Anyhow, sleeping with such secrets can play tricks in your head. With everything being alright, will you risk telling something that will make it not-alright. Honesty can be such a bitch at times!

Shading waala tree..

It was probably more than 12-14 years ago, my brother suddenly pointed towards a tree and screamed 'Shading waala tree'. We were sitting on a narrow wooden 'fatta' in a rickshaw, facing the side opposite to the direction in which the rickshaw was moving. It's a pity we don't have those rickshaws anymore here, it was interesting to watch things moving away from you, with you not knowing where you're going. 

Going back to my brother's comment, what my brother actually meant was that the tree had thin, fine leaves which in the twilight appeared as if someone has shaded the leaves with pencil. It was one of the very few times, I felt the creativity rushing in my brother's brain. I also felt how less I notice stuff, always pouring un-pouring thoughts in left and right brain buckets, never seeing the things right in front of me. And also, how less I notice my own brother. Though, we've hardly ever been close. We grew up literally cursing each other and wishing to kill the other by something so ingenious so as to escape being caught later. Thankfully, we both couldn't find those ingenious murder weapons. I still find it difficult to forget, that we both used to be covered with marks all over our face, arms, legs, skull etc. as everything was reason enough for a violent settlement. And later, I used to watch my brother sleep sometimes. He looked so peaceful, I started believing that devils become monks when they sleep.

Well, the reflective thing didn't last and last 12-14 years were nothing different from the years before it. I was a strong-headed, immature, unloving sister. And the irony is, even if I've matured now, I'm still as inexpressive as ever. However, when on cloudy days like today I'm walking with my eyes roaming around, I sometimes see that 'shading waala tree' and wonder if I'm noticing enough.