The simple truth...12

One of my favorite quotes: "Humor is a rubber sword, it allows you to make a point without drawing blood"..

So

So, i'm having the worst of the exams, definitely getting in 50% range, i.e. if i manage to pass...and my parents think, i'm taken by some poltergeist or something, to be so reckless during exams...and basketball is such a struggle-freak game, i'm gonna take atleast a million years to get really good at it...and after 4years of engineering, i still can't tell you what exactly i did, or going to do... but that all is after i destroy my tom exam, which is insane coz its coming from DCE and has things i don't have a clue, financial management... so, this is not a good time...

Music.

You cant say anything about music, because no matter what you say, its still going to be inadequate... but i do have to say this, music is the only true magic I've seen in this world... its one thing that never disappoints you, in pulling you out from the worst of the times; and making an ordinary thing like walking, sitting, bathing, playing, anything at all, an extraordinary experience... i hope i never go deaf, i'll be better off being dead than deaf..

Dogs in love??

Theres this interesting love quadrilateral going on in the basketball court. There are three dogs smitten by one black bitch. I don't know, wheres the competition, coz the bitch obviously likes the light brownish one, they even make out whenever alone. By alone, i mean no other dog is there, coz they obviously don't have any problems doing it in front of us; someone had to risk his life, and throw the ball at them to remind them of the public manners.

Back to their story, so when they are not alone, the three losers stick close, actually the white one seems like a either a loner or just unpopular with other two, coz he's always behind the other two. But anyways, they all follow the bitch who keeps dancing from one side of court to other; outside to inside to god knows where.

The problem is, when no dog is there that bitch keeps wandering all over the court, looking out of the court with big dilapidated eyes; and the moment they arrive, she behaves scared and runs crazy.. i really don't understand her psychology. But the real problem is, i'm really scared of these mad lover-dogs and even this bitch; i hope this love story ends soon, and they all find peace in their lives outside the court.

The streetlight.

I've been noticing a very strange thing since 2-3 days.. like i said, i go to this basketball court in my colony most evenings(ya, not given up yet!!); and all the streetlights on the way are already on, instead of one.. and this one lights up when i pass by; same happens when i return from court.. its creepy, but i think theres some explanation to it.. may be some motion detector or may be mere coincidence or may be i'm going crazy.. let me see for some more days..

Right now.

I really love winters, i'm happiest this time of the year; even a place like Delhi seems so dreamy in winters...
but its all a waste when you have exams, which i do in about 3 days...not that i even started with the course, which i'm soon going to regret, but still knowing subconsciously that you'll be forced to do things in coming weeks that you absolutely don't want to do...is not a happy feeeling.

i have this tendency to jump time whenever something stressful is about to start, exams, interview, some performance, anything... i go in the future and start planning what i'll do after this is over... makes it easier, but wastes a lot of time..

i think a good conversation can do wonders... all the grudges that you had with your day, they all, sort of just become a good story to talk about.. and even if you talk about anything else, a lot of fresh things come to your mind and that is so important, so that creativity and life doesn't die out from your mind.. plus its fun.

if possible i'd like to visit 100 places and more and talk to all sorts of people.. i really think, i would have been better off as a psychologist or psychiatrist or a lonely planet host or work as a volunteer for U.N. or even a wine-maker... i don't understand why would anyone enjoy being an engineer when every third person is one, such an identity crisis... but i'm sure i'll find something of my liking soon, may be after i earn enough money, i'll take something thats less safer or paying... or maybe not, who knows..

i've always wished to have a switch, through which i could turn my this wandering side off, so that i could be serious during exams... but no success till date.. i'm such a slave to my mood when it comes to doing something.. i wish i had more self-control.. will try to study now, i see the regret phase coming!!

My sour days

When someone throws his dog at you
and you scream your lungs out,
not once but thrice,
and people just stare, as if they know what you're all about.
Thats when you know,
its one of your sour days, saying "hello!".

One perfect morning
with your favorite music on,
you forget your cellphone in a bus..
and chase police station but the bus is gone.
All hopeless, yet somehow the quest continues
pays off in the end, but with sour hues.

Sometimes its so sour, it burns your tongue.
Your memory tricks you in doing things
that make a fool of you around..
you hope they'll fly away, as time has wings
but instead right back, the sour days swing.

Its like 19 people missing their train
running station to station, with heavy bags.
Not angry, not grim,
just sour, looking like rags.

And having a cranky old man as your driver
when you're on a "enjoyment-centric" trip;
is just as sour as you can sip.

Of the many flavors of life
this one, so frequent
yet forgettable
that sometimes you don't even see it
like some transition state
subtle and unstable.

The few last pages of my college register..

The few last pages of my college register
are home to some unknown numbers
people with no names, or people with two,
some gas agency, a chinese van, some mathematical solutions
that i tried to pull through.

Also residing,
the pencil sketches of satan's modern art
no meaning, no head or soul or heart
but a desperate attempt to kill time
an undercoat of thoughts sublime
some forgivable creative blunders
ya, still talking about the few last few pages of my college register.

and trash poetry like we have here
fills the gaps, rather just smears
the paper, blessed by the flight of broken wings
handicapped rhyming, incomplete strings
Still worth the crime, still going under
the few last pages of my college register.

And other random stuff
some priority list before i turn 30, pure bluff
conversations not needed, birthdays forgotten
some good songs, some just rotten
and i did say "few" pages, so wont go further
thats it, for the few last pages of my college register.

Ode to my hairs.

Thou have never got me any compliments
Thou just stuck there with my honorary impediments

Always, jerking out of control
thine spirals and thine doodles,
thine shameless stunts, lurking like noodles
Cmon!!, i've had it with you
want to shave you off, and start-over anew

Don't panic!! i'm still sane
with straight-ner, thee not that much a pain
but then, theres the heat and the split-ends and the fall
just how many tantrums are there in all..

And now thou gifted me dandruff
shampoo after shampoo, bluff after bluff
the other day, i bathed in neem water
caught cold, but thou knew nothing better

tell thou what!!!...i sit here counting
how much i spent on thee
d shampoos, conditioners; d cuts and d trims
and just how thankless thou've been!!!
living on the edge of thine whims...

Basketball lessons.

So it was a day before my last exam that i decided that i'm gonna try learn basketball...its almost a month now, and i'm kina happy that i went through with it..

Actually, i wasn't supposed to be blogging about it, coz i'm really miserable at sports , the reason being i stopped playing after the 5-6th standard due to something that happened.. and before that also, d only sports i played were cricket and badminton.. so it took every single drop of courage for me to do this..

Being a beginner where everyone is such an expert is always not the most desirable thing, but i guess i got lucky coz the guys who come to play are real sweet.. many of them coach so well that even the sports-dodo me learnt to throw the ball in the hoop.. and im gradually improving, they say at a pretty good pace.. but on my bad days, i just go pessimist and keep uttering, what if i never get good at this!!!

but i'm sticking to it for now...and enjoying it too, but i really feel awkward blogging about it..so lets just see what happens!!

The simple truth...11

Roy: [going through SAT questions] You know, a lot of people would think these questions are difficult... not me.
Desmond Rhodes: No?
Roy: No. These questions all have answers.

from the movie "The Perfect Score", not a good movie by any standards, but you know, how it is, sometime you hear something and it sticks in your head...well this quote did, and it did long enough to make it through here...it caught me thinking, that the most difficult questions are the ones, which don't have answers at all...

so i played along.

Going fast, going slow,
a note above or a note below,
every now and then, going offbeat,
a song that had shades all complete...
life...was that song...
so i played along.

forgetting the lyrics in between,
filling in, with any crap, such a routine.
it gave me a melody, also a delirium,
kept me hanging,on a musical pendulum...
life...such a song...
so i played along.

did dance on it, improvised,
sometimes with full soul, at times downsized,
searching for a rhythm, for harmony,
switching genres, orchestra de irony.
life...just a song...
so i played along.

My Greatest fear...

My greatest fear is that, I am going to die... without knowing what I was living for..

Ya its still the same day, my mind still playing tricks...but instead of being blank, now it has started moving in some other direction, contrary to what I'm trying it to move it to i.e my Downstream Processing photostats..and i'm thinking that my whole life, am i just going to study things that i don't think i would ever remember after the exam is over...i probably should never drink so much tea in the night..

my mind playing tricks..

i have an exam tomorrow at 10:30 am...a lot of course left, but thats not the problem...that is kind of a routine thing, i'm very used to that...the problem is, i just had a glass full of tea(and not exaggerating), coz i thought i need to stay awake;which now i am...but somehow, my mind is half asleep; coz right now i'm like a really dumb person; who has to read a line four times to understand it...you would say, i should sleep; which i want to, but i can't coz my mind is also half-awake but blank...really blank...how else can i prove my state of mind, i'm writing a blog entry about complete nonsense at a very critical time..this feels so drunk..

Almost Bitten.

Today i had a close call with my street dog.. he was aiming for a cat, but i obviously thought it was my lucky day..anyways, so there was screaming and running and a lot of heart-throbbing.. not all in vain; since i came up with this..

जिन्दगी में कुछ ऐसे भी सफ़र आते हैं
जहाँ लोग खुद की परछाई से भी डर जाते हैं.

The simple truth...10

Having a bad day is like having an apparently empty toothpaste tube... you just have to squeeze harder, you'll be amazed how much toothpaste it had hidden..

Idiot and the idiot box.

In my earlier post, Addiction prone vs. addiction proof; i talked about how "other" people handle their addiction or the lack of it... Well, here i would like to confess, that once upon a time, i was addicted to the idiot box..

As my dad often narrates me the story, that as a child i was very hard-working and good girl (and by that he means always interested in doing any dead boring domestic task, as if it was my dream-job).. and tv was there in our home, but you see, i was too passionate about other things to ever pay attention to it.. and one day, my dad committed the gravest mistake; he saw me doing some work, and asked me to halt that and watch the tv with him... And that was a turning point in my life!!

It was love at first sight, i was bowled over by its grandeur, though what we had, was a shamelessly small set, 14 inches; black and white screen; and a very ugly shutter, and combined with the fact Doordarshan in those days was hideously dull... but i guess, love really is blind!!.. anyhow, it started to replace all my other activities, and thus was created my signature laziness and procrastination... i was so attracted to that thing, that i was found (many a times) actually moving towards it mesmerized, until there was a mere 20cm distance between us.. and this may seem like an exaggeration but my family can swear on it.. i don't remember much, what the hell i used to watch on it... mostly cartoons, chitrahaar, cricket and basically everything else..

So my condition wasn't good, but it was still under control, the final straw came when we got the cable... i was in 6th standard, i think.. and thats when my parents completely lost their sweet, obedient daughter... i became hysterical with so many channels to fill in my mind space.. i became the ultimate tv guide, before the cable guys even thought of coming out with it.. and im really not proud, of documenting this looserish fling that i had with my tv, if i'm giving that kind of vibes.. but i was just unstoppable... i always had to have the remote, like a divine right; so that meant war with my brother at almost all times.. i used to plead to my dad to let me watch the late night shows, to which he had just one answer, NO... and that used to make me so mad, that i would watch double the amount the next day, just to compensate.. would lie down like a corpse on the couch and stay there until someone would turn it off..

ya i know, it makes me sick too.. but i did get out of that addiction, more sooner than later.. owing to many factors; most important being, i wasn't enjoying myself.. it feels so much better to be in control of your life. After all its nothing but an idiot box.. ending with a quote, i don't remember from whom:

" Tv has proved that people would look at anything, rather than each other."

Thoughts on pot.

It is amazing how under-rated your pot-time is, in your life... Apart from the natural relief that it brings to you, your pot-time is the time when your mind experiences a flood of ideas and thoughts; if you'd only utilize it.

Examples say louder, so heres what i came up with in the morning:

वोह तहजीब वोह तकल्लुफ आपका
कितना बेशरम था हर एक उफ़ आपका

and this coming out of nowhere, when i don't even do or read shayari; made me rethink of this whole process as an untapped area to actually think about..
As a child, this used to be a good time to revise my lessons; or fabricate revenge plans; or regret the things to which i had witty replies, but just not at the right time; or sulk after having a fight with my brother/mother/father/all of them... but i think, as i became older this process became more and more like an unconscious one, so though my mind was constantly working, i stopped realizing the difference between the normal thoughts and the thoughts during the pot-time... and i don't know if that was a good thing or bad..

So anyways, what makes the pot-time so ideal to exercise your brains??.. i think its the fact, that you're absolutely alone within those four walls, no distractions whatsoever.. combined with the fact that you have nothing else to do; which makes it easier to bring out the latent stuff that is inside of you..and no pun intended!

The simple truth...9

Being impatient is like running through a ground filled with mines, good chances you'll blow up... but being too patient is like sitting on a mine, and waiting for the kaboom.

Puppet-talk

found the image on google... used ImageMagick to say, what these puppets might have wanted to..
"pull my strings,
entertain yourself,
i know no other way
and neither do you"

The Nightmare Countdown.

Generally, its very difficult to remember the nightmares; they mostly leave your memory space instantly. But certain nightmares are chilling enough to stay back; also if you talk about them to someone, there are greater chances of you locking them down in your memory.. here are some which have been locked inside my memories..

10. This is probably a very popular nightmare, many people have been through this.. so, I was looking down a cliff, and someone pushed me down and i fell and i fell.. and i remember i felt the thrust, that you'd feel during a free fall..
9. I was sleeping in my nightmare... and i heard voices.. and when i tried opening my eyes, i realized its the runway, and an airplane was coming.
8. This actually has a mention in movie "Salaam Namaste"... i had this when i was very very young, that i got on the school bus, very inappropriately dressed.
7. I faintly remember this, but here one of my friend and i am running through forest and he gets hit by something... and he starts bleeding; but his blood was green! and there were other things also which i don't remember..
6. I'm sitting for exams but i can't see the questions... i can see everything else, the people around, my pen, the desk, even the question paper; but i can't see the questions.
5. This happened when i was in 5th.. i forgot to bring atlas in Social studies class, and everyone was laughing hysterically at me... friends, classmates, teachers, the number keeps on increasing and i'm trying to explain how sorry i'm... but everyone is just enjoying too much to bother.
4. i wake up and go to the mirror... and everything starts sagging... the skin starts loosening out, hair keeps falling, the nails keep melting and other ugly things.. later, i had to check myself in the mirror first thing after i woke up.
3. This is about 4-5 years old, when we didn't have a car.. I saw the whole family dying in a car crash.. after that, i even asked my dad never to buy a car.
2. This is when, i used to talk a lot on phone... Since i used to keep my mobile close, its ringing used to increase my heartbeats when i was sleeping.. So, once in my nightmare, the mobile is ringing on the table and i'm lying on the sofa.. it started ringing harder and harder; the table starts vibrating, then the things around vibrate, then the ground, then everything... it keeps increasing until i come out of my sleep.
1. Mumma and i go to get the milk from the dhoodwala, his shed is full of cattle and the ghaas-phoos. One of the buffalow becomes aggressive and attacks mumma... i still remember how hard i shrieked, the whole family was scared shit.

Embarrassed!!

I think, i've had more embarrassments in my life than I've had common colds.. i've this unique self destructive capacity, that not only stays but also regenerates itself regularly.. not that i'm too dumb or anything, but i have this stock of evil gut feelings, from maybe my past life that keeps wrecking my each attempt to gain respect or love in this society..

Its either like, i want the right things, but at the wrong times; or the wrong things at the right times.. i don't know.. but theres something that i can't put my finger on, but that thing pricks down, every bubble i make.. despite my whole intention of, doing a right thing for a change, i end up flustered and yes, embarrassed..

i'm not going to cite any examples, my insanity hasn't reached that high a level.. though, i would mention that i've been noticing this eccentricity since childhood.. i was smarter as a kid, but still never too far from this E word.. however, as i grew older, i became more skilled, in hiding my accidental claims to fame, in using my face(made more innocent, used as a shield), in escaping from potential deadlock situations and then finally, in the art of laughing at myself, the ultimate panacea to all embarrassments.. but nothing works better than a bad memory.. my forgetfulness is the only reason, i'm still surviving some of my best endeavors to ruin myself..

Most of these E things trace their origins from my "carelessness", or how some of my polite friends say "carefreeness".. others can be spontaneity, ignorance, blah blah, blah blah blah.. i've gone through the whole process of identifying them, making a plan of how to fix them; and as usual doing the complete opposite.. so i'd say, the causes are not that important.. its what all this has taught me...

It taught me how to see my own imperfections before i see yours, i think i'm much more compassionate because of this; it gave me "uncertainty" the perfect punching-bag to put all the blames on; ya, just to re-iterate it made me stronger(to handle next ones better); made me a better judge of people(though i still have a long way to go); and it gave me a life in between.. a life which i can reminisce and not be proud of, but still be unregretful of... and since i'm not in my late 90s, this kind-of reminiscing doesn't suit me, so with a conclusion that "i've a chronic attraction to embarrassment", that would be all..

The simple truth...8

[The earlier quote reminded me of this weird movie "The United States of Leland", it had a lot of weird quotes...this is one of them)

The worst part is knowing that there is goodness in people. Mostly it stays deep down and buried. Maybe we don't have God because we're scared of the bad stuff. Maybe we're really scared of the good stuff. Because if there's no God, well, that means it's inside of us and we could be good all the time if we wanted. So when we do bad things, it'd be because we want to or because we have to. Or maybe we just need the bad stuff to remind us what the good stuff is in the first place.

The simple truth...7

Fantasies have to be unrealistic. Because the minute- the second- that you get what you want, you don't- you can't- want it anymore.
(from: The Life of David Gale, 2003)

The simple truth...6

You can't reason with an unreasonable person.

Life is one distraction after another...

Have you ever looked the other way, throughout the bus journey coz a creep was watching you... or maybe, went for a trip coz you were fed up with the work... or started singing coz you were nervous before the interview... or went to a really expensive place to shop n eat coz you were too depressed... or started a movie marathon, coz life was becoming way too real...

those and plenty plenty more, are some ways how people distract themselves... sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse but they do distract themselves of a lot of things happening around them... maybe because they don't want those things to get to them, or affect them in any way (say for example, work pressure or a thing of sadness or something annoying) or it may also be because they are scared to or can't face something (like a great loss or failure or a responsibility etc.)... there may be many more examples and many more reasons, but my point isn't to reiterate the many ways we can distract ourselves...

my point is... what if, life has become a series of those distractions... what if, what we do is result of one distraction(direct or indirect) after another... lets take a scenario :
you had a certain dream, you tried visualizing it, dint work; so now all you do is to move away from that dream, do a different job with a strange dedication; strange because its not because you like the work, its because you have to justify whatever you're doing now, to that part of you which dared to dream in the first place... distraction can give you the power to change the direction of your life, once, twice, many times... it basically says: try, if you fail rather than trying again, try something new... which is, though most people won't admit, is what we normally do...

if that is not the case, then two options remain: either you always work towards the fulfillment of your dream or you don't know your dream...

the first case requires an awesome amount of focus, leaving no scope of distractions; except maybe from distractions themselves... this is an ideal case; it's almost impossible to find such people.. what we generally get to see, are people with "apparent focus, inherent confusion"; those who have just picked one nice aim(which looks good enough to them and their family) and they are all set to achieve it... now, this is nothing but a greater distraction... the distraction from the natural truth... its like a serious person distracting himself away from the books, to join the fun gang, to appear more interesting than he actually is or vice versa... and its funny, how many of us complete our whole life distracting away from what we really are, just because we assumed no-one would understand or respect that or we were plain scared or we just wanted to get it done the easy way...

Now, for those who don't know their dreams... who don't know what they are living for... are passing their time, hopping from one distraction to another; so that they can forget that they are ignorant and equivalent to someone who has received the spare-parts to a Ferrari but not the instruction manual of how to assemble it... so they live, clueless, in a constant hit and trial mode, wishing they might put together a Ferrari someday...

So, might be, this wild idea that life is one distraction after another; isn't that wild at all... may be, we do need to actually think why we are doing certain things...

Sleeping thoughts...

Long long time ago, i used to fall asleep as soon as i hit the bed...then one day, i remember it clearly, when i was in 5th...i just couldn't sleep, these thoughts- random and futile and humungous in number and boring... just kept attacking me... its not as if, anything remarkable happened that day, not that i would remember after all these years... but i do remember how traumatized i was..

you see, my dad always had this plan of sleeping early, so the whole family used to sleep very early, by that i mean 9 o'clock... In fact, we used to have our dinner pretty early too, 7p.m... Till yet, im unaware of any family packing up so early in the night; anyhow i used to feel really happy about it in those days.. i loved to sleep 10 hours and wake up early to just smell the morning freshness.. but then, i got doomed to think...

I hated the continuous and indomitable nature of my thoughts back then...especially during the night... they came when they wanted to, stayed as long and in morphologies they desired... and they almost never left; just when i'd fall asleep they'd assault me with nightmares... it was a lost battle back then... i used to try not to think, but then i'd think that imnt going to think; and then i'd think that im still thinking about not thinking; and then everything would rush back ...imnt exaggerating when i say that i used to punch my pillow in desperation to sleep... i even used to wake up my dad, when everything else would fail, to say that i can't sleep in a tone that people use when they come to know they're dying... and then he'll do some magic, put his hand on my head and i used to fall asleep...

Yes my dad was my magician in those days... we used to live in DDA flats in Palam... there used to be nights without electricity, days without water... things weren't quite that good, money wasn't that good... he used to hand fan me and my brother throughout the night when power failures stayed the night; he never ate before we were done; he still doesn't, no matter what we say... even though there isn't much talking, i always felt that he knows whats going on with me.. he never says anything but the support he gives silently always makes the inside of my heart moist with gratitude and guilt... and i think, i went somewhere else; so coming back to the sleepless nights...(i don't think i'd ever be able to write without digressing)

I tried a lot of things to cure myself of that childhood insomnia...most ideas came from cartoons.. tried that counting sheep method, which was obviously too firang to be effective.. somewhere i heard good fragrance means sound sleep, so i used to steal jasmine flowers from a neighbour's gamla and keep it beside my pillow; however, my condition wasn't that simple and neighbour's gamla had limited flowers :( ..then, read a story about a king who couldn't sleep, so he wandered and met a farmer who always slept good; the king asked his secret to sleep; he said "You do my work for one day, and see how peacefully you'll sleep"... and that story hit my small brain and i did a lot of activities to get really tired before sleep... it worked for some time, before i recalled that i'm a lazy bum...

Slowly, i got used to these thoughts.. even, started manipulating them... channelized them to think about bigger things than how my dinner was getting digested or where would i sit in tomorrows class or should i have bath tomorrow or not or are my nails too big etc. etc... started writing stuff, thinking about events and people and the trance that life is... nightmares changed into dreams or fantasies or interesting nightmares... and i survived, somehow the stubbornness of my thoughts...

Though i still can't switch on/off my thoughts, though my sleep is still reckless and unruly and doesn't follow my commands, though i can still get insomniac at times...but i've learnt to co-exist with my thoughts, learnt to make use of my insomniac time in doing something productive rather than hitting poor pillow, and just realize sleep requirements vary person to person, so im safe as long as i don't have 3 sleepless nights in a row coz that might kill someone... verify the last fact, imnt too sure of that... and now im actually too sleepy to write another sentence, so The End.

The simple truth...5

Reading a person gives you much more than reading any book.

Things life has taught me...part 3(jaipur trip special)

13. Don't get scared of any weird old guy, who says he got a headache coz you were taking pictures.
14. When you're not winning a card game; blame the damn luck, and have fun loosing.
15. Tying your shoe-laces is a very private thing...avoid doing it in public.
16. Don't ever get sick before a free and unlimited and delicious dinner, you'll regret it throughout your life.
17. This one courtesy a friend...10 glasses chach+15 glasses jaljeera+lots of jalebi=stomach produces some thick syrup continuously.
18.Most important...don't take two bags to a three days trip when everyone else is taking one...for some reason, its very funny to some people.

The simple truth...4

Theres a little psychopath sitting in all of us... mostly, unleashed during our anger pangs...

The simple truth...3

For each philosophy, there exists an equal and opposite philosophy.

Randomness...

I don't think i really believe in luck or God or a higher force for that matter...mostly i am of the view, things love randomness, and thus no matter how much you'll try to organize your world...random strokes of good and bad luck will keep hitting you..

Theres no heaven or hell, so maybe theres no moment of truth, no check of how you lived through life and also no reincarnation... so again, the life you were assigned wasn't from a thorough calculation of your potential or your goodness... it was a random choice of nature... and then, in your life you see all this mess around you... nature does a lot of jobs with great accuracy, but it isn't perfect... what you see here is a labyrinth, with many paths, each leading with a different style of life-pattern... what these paths lead to isn't visible to you, you can only assume from the experiences of people who have gone through that path... but the funny thing is these paths are dynamic, they keep evolving and dissolving; merging and emerging, so you can never be sure... you pick, or you're forced to pick, (or in rare case you build) a path... but where you land up during your journey is so complex to find out, that its best explained as random...

Then, what the hell is a "set" life??... lots of people have that, they knew what they wanted, they made efforts and got that... no randomness there... the reason is, that certain paths are less likely to change than others... and thats why many normal people are likely to choose that path... study, study more, get a job, get married, have kids, grow old, die... it would only be in the introspective moments, that these people will think about all the paths they could've chosen, lives they could've lived... the randomness, the absolute freewill they could've enjoyed... but then, their focus was always to rush through life making the seemingly right choices, so it never caught their eye, how relative right is... and how they have the power to redefine right...

Its only now, i fully understand why i liked "entropy" so much in thermodynamics... the fundamental property of materials to have minimum energy and maximum entropy... this kind of gives me a great excuse why i don't like organizing my stuff... why i don't like killing the free spirit of things around me... a lousy excuse, but still an excuse... anyhow, going back to life and randomness...

Again, the people you meet in your lifetime, follows no plan at all... and how all these random meetings entangle into your character, and make you the person you are, is subject to so many theories that its impossible to predict anything... you unconsciously/consciously learn things, stuff them into the back of your head... and finally one day spit that out, in a totally unrecognizable manner; your actions or your choices or your words or your dreams...

The whole point of this discussion, is that theres randomness integrated in every aspect of your life, and life becomes more fun, once you start appreciating that... because, then you don't look for grounds to dump your blames on, or escape routes, or answers to never-ending "why me??"... when everything is governed by some nonsense; you tend to be more forgiving...
and this is yet another abrupt ending to an abrupt idea...

The golden ratio..

Nature loves symmetry... there are patterns and proportions all around us, that make sense of this whole chaos of the world, we live in... i remember how i felt when i came to know of pi, it felt like in some mysterious way, everything has an inherent nature of being pre-defined... that theres an order of things, that we just have to decipher and everything would be simplified to plain mathematics and logic..

Phi is another such number... better known as golden ratio; its been there consistently, just under our eyes, in nature, in architecture, in paintings, in music, in beauty and even in your DNA...heres a nice video about phi...



So, two quantities are said to be in golden ratio if, the ratio of their sum to the larger quantity is equal to the ratio of the larger one to the smaller one..
or (a+b)/a=a/b=phi (if 'a' is the larger one and 'b' is the smaller one)
or a=(phi)b
substituting this value of phi in first equation yields
phi=(1+sqrt(5))/2=1.6180339887....

Some unique things about phi::
* the ratio of subsequent numbers in fibonacci series tends to phi:

1/1 = 1
2/1 = 2
3/2 = 1.5
5/3 = 1.666...
8/5 = 1.6

13/8 = 1.625
21/13 = 1.61538...
34/21 = 1.61905...
55/34 = 1.61764...
89/55 = 1.61861...


* 1/1.618=0.618, the golden ratio conjugate

* (sqrt(5) + 1)/2=1.618 and (sqrt(5) - 1)/2=0.618

* phi^(n+2)=phi^(n+1) + phi^(n); i.e. the powers of phi have this unusual property in that they are related not only exponentially, but are additive as well

* The human body conforms to phi...


-The distance between the finger tip and the elbow / distance between the wrist and the elbow,
-The distance between the shoulder line and the top of the head / head length,
-The distance between the navel and the top of the head / the distance between the shoulder line and the top of the head,
-The distance between the navel and knee / distance between the knee and the end of the foot,
-Length of face / width of face,
-Distance between the lips and where the eyebrows meet / length of nose,
-Length of face / distance between tip of jaw and where the eyebrows meet,
-Length of mouth / width of nose,
-Width of nose / distance between nostrils,
-Distance between pupils / distance between eyebrows.


in Architechture

The Golden Ratio has appeared in ancient architecture. The examples are many, such as the Great Pyramid in Giza, Egypt, and the Greek Parthenon that was constructed between 447 and 472BC. Not only did the ancient Egyptians and Greeks know about the magic of Golden Ratio, so did the Renaissance artists, who used it in the design of Notre Dame in between the 12th and 14th centuries. Some modern architecture are also influenced by Golden Ratio as well, such as the United Nations Building...

in DNA
The DNA molecule, the very program of life, is based on the golden ratio. DNA consists of two intertwined perpendicular helixes. The length of the curve in each of these helixes is 34 angstroms and the width 21 angstroms. Also, the major and minor groove of B-DNA follow golden ratio...

in Art


Da Vinci, a sculpture, painter, inventor and a mathematician, was the first one who first called Phi the Golden Ratio. And scientifically, Mona Lisa's face actually appears in a golden rectangle, which also makes her face appear more beautiful to human eyes. Also another masterpiece, the Last Supper, contains Golden Ratios...

....now, the list is practically endless, so i better stop here...
Conclusion: the golden ratio is ruling the world...watch this clip from "Numbers" where Charlie talks about golden ratio...

The simple truth...2

The difference between CAT and GRE...is somewhat like commercial and art cinema...

The simple truth...

Guys don't want their girlfriends to change, but they do...girls do want their boyfriends to change, but they don't...and that's the cause of most break-ups...

(courtesy: Sanchit)

Aishiteru Aishiteta...by Utada Hikaru

Rusu roku ni natta mama de anata no koe ga kikoeru
Irusu nante gomen ne rashikunai yo ne

"mata kakeru yo" tatta juu byou no messaaji wo
Makimodoshite kurikaesu

Yobikakeru yawarakai koe mo hanashikata mo
Zenbu ai shiteta

Sayonara wa ienai kara anata kara no denwa ni wa
Mou nido to denai koto de
Semete isagiyosa misetakatta
Yurushite ne hanashi wo shitara naku kara

Furui ringu hidari mimi no piasu
Nagai ude to hiji no kizu
Mijikai tsume kata no hokuro mo
Tsumetai te mo zenbu ai shiteta

Yawarakai koe yasashii hanashikata
Nagai ude to hiji no kizu
Furui ringu suzu no udedokei
Tsumetai te mo zenbu ai shiteta

Kore kara mou koi wo shinakereba
Kono omoi wa seijitsu to yobareru no?

Ai shiteru ai shiteru

....this is my most favorite japanese song(among the very few that i've heard); it has that sad undertone that, even though you don't understand the language you'll get the feel what she's talking about...even more beautiful are its lyrics, the english translation cannot fully bring out the meaning of the song...but still, here they are...

愛してる, 愛してた
a i s h i t e r u . a i s h i t e t a
Performed by Dreams Come True
Lyrics: Yoshida Miwa
Music: Yoshida Miwa
Arrangement: Dream Come True
English Translation: tsubasa ( courtesy : http://www.everything2.com/index.pl?node_id=1392948)

I can hear your voice, which has become a recording on the machine.
I'm pretending to be away, which doesn't really seem like I'm trying
to say I'm sorry, does it?
"I'll call again." It was a mere ten second message.
But I'll rewind it over and over again.
You call out to me with your tender voice.
I love and cherish it all.
I don't want to say sayonara to you,
So I can't bring myself to call you back.
I wish that I could find at least the courage to return your call,
Forgive me, I'll cry if we speak to each other,
so...Your old ring... Your pierced left ear...
The long arms and scratched elbows...
Short fingernails... The mole on your shoulder...
And your cold hands... I loved everything.
Your tender voice... Sweet words...
Long arms and scratched elbows...
Your old ring... Tin wristwatch...
And your cold hands... I cherished and loved it all.
If we are no longer in love, then
These memories are sacred, don't you agree? I love you... Oh, I love you...

...i know, too mushy!!...but it makes my ears very happy...

Things life has taught me...part 2..

7. Before downloading a foreign language movie, download the subtitles beforehand....otherwise keep 2 disprins handy..
8. Never sit with a conductor of a blue line bus...especially if he's fond of singing..
9. Don't order Potato Salad in Cafe 100...infact, don't ever order any salad anywhere...if you like it so much, buy some fruits and vegetables and make it at home...at one-tenth price..
10. When someone walks like, talks like, eats like, smiles like, stares like and behaves like a mean ol pig/bitch...chances are he/she is a mean old pig/bitch...
11. Don't go to Imdb search, when you've an exam tomorrow..
12. Always note the no. of autorickshaw...or one day you'll regret..

Still some more left...will post later...

Still, a man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest.

Kitaro and EVP

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Okay; just to make it clear beforehand, i have absolutely no belief whatsoever in supernatural...but I found this really interesting...this is EVP-Electronic Voice Phenomenon; an alleged communication by spirits through tape recorders and other electronic devices...in the above video, EVP from various sources are mixed with some music...

After World War II, tape recorders became affordable for the average person, and some paranormal investigators began taping their séances. Sometimes when they played the tape back, they heard voices or sounds that were not there when the tape was originally made... this is nothing but EVP ...and it has been mushrooming eversince..

Interest in EVP apparently began in the 1920s. An interviewer from Scientific American asked Thomas Edison about the possibility of contacting the dead. Edison, a man of no strong religious views, said that nobody knows whether “our personalities pass on to another existence or sphere” but

"it is possible to construct an apparatus which will be so delicate that if there are personalities in another existence or sphere who wish to get in touch with us in this existence or sphere, this apparatus will at least give them a better opportunity to express themselves than the tilting tables and raps and ouija boards and mediums and the other crude methods now purported to be the only means of communication." (Clark 1997: 235)

And though nobody knows for sure, that Edison had anything similar to EVP in mind while saying that..and though Skeptics and Paranormal Scientists(as they call themselves) both have their own facts and arguments... its almost like an experiment, and you can get lots of information from the web, how to make you own EVP cassette, if you so desire...

The Secret Life Of DNA(2007)

The Secret Life of DNA

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Did you know your DNA could create music...and not some ordinary music, but listen to this excerpt from "The Secret Life Of DNA"(2007) and you'll just say- "INCREDIBLE"...i heard it in the dead of night alone and had a spine-chilling experience...those A/T/G/C of your DNA do everything musical notes are supposed to do; when taken from a life-they make music; when taken from a random sequence- they make cacophony...

The Secret Life of DNA (2007)

This is a new symphonic work by Stuart Mitchell which expresses the protein patterns/music that exists within the four bases of DNA. The protein sequences of a 70 Million year old T-Rex, a Humpback Whale, an orchestral fugue of the composer's son Lewis's DNA melody entwined with the composer's own DNA, culminating with Ludwig Van Beethoven's Nucleotide sequence taken from clippings of his hair. The DNA proteins are all translated into music as he invites the listener into a new realm, a new perception and dimension of sound.

The album will be available by December, 2007

"DNA music exists within every living organism universally and now we have the technology to
unlock a symphony from within everyone for a better and more aesthetic understanding
of life, ourselves and each other."

Living inside a...

"When I am in my painting, I'm not aware of what I'm doing. It is only after a sort of 'get acquainted' period that I see what I have been about. I have no fear of making changes, destroying the image, etc., because the painting has a life of its own. I try to let it come through. It is only when I lose contact with the painting that the result is a mess. Otherwise there is pure harmony, an easy give and take, and the painting comes out well..."
-Jackson Pollock(1912-1956)(Jack, the Dripper)

He painted with his body...moved around the canvas as if dancing...he was all about flinging, dripping, pouring, spattering...physicist argue, his work displays property of mathematical fractal...was an alcohlic and died in a car crash...In November 2006 Pollock's "No. 5, 1948" became the world's most expensive painting, when it was auctioned to an undisclosed bidder for the sum of $140,000,000...In 2000, a biographical film "Pollock" won actress Marcia best supporting actress Academy Award...an influential abstract American painter-Jackson Pollock...

Jose Gonzalez- heartbeats (Sony Bravio Ad)

one night to be confused
one night to speed up truth
we had a promise made
four hands and then away

both under influence
we had divine scent
to know what to say
mind is a razorblade

to call for hands of above
to lean on
wouldn't be good enough
for me, no

one night of magic rush
the start a simple touch
one night to push and scream
and then relieve

ten days of perfect tunes
the colors red and blue
we had a promise made
we were in love

to call for hands of above
to lean on
wouldn't be good enough
for me, no

to call for hands of above
to lean on
wouldn't be good enough

and you, you knew the hands of the devil
and you, kept us awake with wolf teeths
sharing different heartbeats
in one night

to call for hands of above
to lean on
wouldn't be good enough
for me, no

to call for hands of above
to lean on
wouldn't be good enough
for me, no

...this was a recommended must-listen from a friend...and i must say the same too...the colors and d melody...too good!

Always on your side

Always on your side...Sheryl Crow

My yesterdays are all boxed up and neatly put away
But every now and then you come to mind
Cause you were always waiting to be picked to play the game
But when your name was called, you found a place to hide
When you knew that I was always on your side

Well everything was easy then, so sweet and innocent
But my demons and my angels reappeared
Leavin' only traces of the man you thought I'd be
To afraid to hear the world's I'd always feel
Leavin' you with all the questions all these years

Is there someplace far away, someplace where all is clear
Easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear
Or are you left to wonder, all alone, eternally
This isn't how it's really meant to be
No, it isn't how it's really meant to be

Well they say that love is in the air, but never is it clear,
How to pull it close and make it stay
Butterflies are free to fly, and so they fly away
And I'm left to carry on and wonder why
Even through it all, I'm always on your side

Is there someplace far away, someplace where all is clear
Easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear
Or are we left to wonder, all alone, eternally
But is this how it's really meant to be?
no, this isn't how it's really meant to be

Well they say that love is in the air, never is it clear
How to pull it close and make it stay
Butterflies are free to fly, why do they fly away,
Leavin' me to carry on and wonder why
Was it you that kept me wandering through this life
When you know that I was always on your side?

...first heard this song as the soundtrack of tv series "Desire" and absolutely loved it...a beautiful song...

Some sites for placements...

freshersworld.com
placementpapers.net
geekinterview.com
paperplacement.blogspot.com
spiritofchennai.com
kyapoocha.com
feucos.com
chetanasinterview.com
123eng.com
yuvajobs.com
placementweek.com
placementpapers4u.blogspot.com
e-sparc.com
coders2020.com
jobassist.com
boredguru.com
vyoms.com
geocities.com
sureshkumar.net
dialcampus.com
careerxpert.com
allinterview.com
ittestpapers.com
placementsindia.blogspot.com
freshershome.com
hudihudi.com
goldenjobs.com
fresherslive.com
freeplacementcell.com etc etc...
http://mmmec.org/modules.php?op=modload&name=News&file=article&sid=19&mode=thread&order=0&thold=0
the last link gives some more links...also visit orkut community target placement and the like...

Sapient cracked!!!

26th Aug, 2007...this has been my luckiest day, in quite a long stretch of not-so-good luck...Today, i cracked Sapient, and i've heard so much about the company, that i cant help but be overjoyed...the questions were from that repeated bunch of sapient questions only, that circulate over the web; but i think what they were looking for was a good and somewhat different (from the solutions available on the net) logic...

I had almost no hopes to begin with, many "todu" programmers from IT/COE were still left; and I being from BT wasn't that much fluent with the coding...anyhow, i glanced over the previous questions, thought of an approach and looked over the net if there was a better way...you actually have to understand the 67 seat problem and think of a logic before running into coding; but that being said, i am no bond, so follow the advice of the pro people...

In the interview, i was asked repeatedly to find alternative approach and a better way of doing things; i'm not too sure how i did here, but i made some suggestions thinking from the common sense...then, some typical HR questions; had to convince him that though I have done projects in BT, i am really a software material; I think i did good coz i saw a fleeting smile on his face; which i assume was because he got impressed...asked me certain situation based questions; how i handle stress; anger of seniors; last minute goof-ups etc...again, i think i did well in this section...in the end, he gave me a feedback that i'm very interrupting; which kindof crashed my iota of hopes, whatever was left...and i actually left with no further expectations...

at 10:45pm , i got a message that i am selected...:))))
can't be happier...

Images...

Beautiful image of pigeons at kashmir(no, i din take it; courtesy: google search)....first thought that comes to my mind is...

यह रोज़ होता है जनाब,
कबूतर आते हैं, उड़ जाते हैं
फिर क्यों एक आज़ाद सुबह ऐसी
लगती है इतनी हसीन हमें...

Things life has taught me...

A recent accident that happened has helped me revise the things that i have learned from life...

1. Never put you bag on the backside of auto..you're doomed to forget it
2. Never buy an expensive wallet.. the more tattered it is, the better chances of it not getting stolen/lost.
3. Always travel light..the less you've, the less you loose
4. If you're on a diet, a great tip-don't keep any junk at home...most hunger-pangs occur at night, so always keep the fridge free from junk...
5. Consume your chocolates as soon as possible...they have a mysterious property of being eaten away by your younger brother
6. What goes around, comes around...trust me on this!...so don't do murder/rape/robbery or other crimes
there're plenty of these...will post them later...have to sleep now...too tired...

The junk collector

Over the years, carried this baggage,
Kept heaping , till I lost all strength.
Now, my back's aching,
And my stuff's leaking.

There're grudges scattered on the floor.
Dont wanna pick them...
Ah! I can always earn'em more.

Oh! ya! the good times..Perfumed paper,
Stuck in the thorns.
Not that perfect..can leave'em like this,
Evanescent and Torn.

Those colored ribbons, flying in the air,
My wishes!!...Too high! Unreachable!
Alas! I'll miss their every layer.

Scare-crow! in the garbage can!
Thats my pain...Still such a snob!
Like hell!! I never want him back again!

I'm looking at the horizon.
Tired of collecting all the junk.
My junk, my 'life'.
Will rest in peace now.

...a poem i wrote sometime back..

Lately, I have developed a taste for korean movies...they are very melodramatic, very emotional, very much like hindi movies...but an underlying humor and simplicity is always there, and they have the cutest faces...also i'm watching only few selective ones, so maybe im biased...but whatever shit i won't watch in a hindi movie, i'll get all emotional about the same in a korean movie...yes!! some hypocrite I'm...

So, this ...ing movie was courtesy a dear friend Shruti, who started the trend by the way...and i don't see myself stopping anytime soon...

a movie about a dying young girl who doesn't know she's dying; about her mother trying to hide this thing from her and giving her a cheerful and normal life; about a naughty photographer nieghbour who becomes her first love and fills her short life with a million smiles...and about her deformed hand, always hidden under the cutest glove...and about the jokes of daily life, and about realizing how short life is...

though sounds tragic, but was quite light actually...Mi-sook, the actress looks like a doll, but then may be most korean actresses do...

but i loved this movie...bittersweet, romantic, and extremely well pictured...i mean, a lot of scenes have this dreamy quality to them...like when Mi-sook is looking outside window; smoking cigarette; with her headphones on....and the sketches in the end...all very beautiful...

Children Of Heaven

This is that kind of movie, that isn't much well known...among the masses that is..but was nominated for an oscar..
But i saw this movie, not knowing of its oscar fame...a friend gave a bunch of korean movies and this masterpiece..so just watched it..and loved it
A story of two small kids- Ali and Zohra, from a poor family of Iran, and how a missing pair of shoes make their already difficult life, a bit more challenging...its not a sob-story, instead its an ode to simple joys that we all never take notice of..
Ali has those big eyes, droopy eye-brows; and Zohra looks like a tiny angel..you cant do anything but love them... you'll wonder, why you crib so much about not having this or doing that??? these kids don't whine and blame the world, they just look for the solutions- whatever their tiny lil head can come up with...
My favorite is the scene with the fishes around Ali's toe..and his cutest dialog when he tells Zohra, he'll come third in the race just to win her the sneakers...it amazes me how kids can think and understand and perceive better than some adults...
Its in Persian with English subtitles, but do listen carefully, you'll feel more connected with the characters..

All in all, a very simple movie, but can make you feel many things that you wouldn't have felt in a long time..

Love is an NP complete problem

Thats that...love is an NP complete problem...may be it does have a solution, and maybe you can test if that solution is right or not (trial and error or parameteric method); ...but by yourself you cannot figure out the perfect way of having all the ingredients and cooking this love recipe i.e finding a solution to this problem...since this word kind of sickens me out, lets just call this "condition X"

So, the thing is, "condition X" refuses to be limited in a set of statements, due to its numerous variables....everyone thinks he's an expert of somekind to define this (otherwise a trite case of non-deterministic polynomial time problem) in his own expert way...since the complexity of this problem is beyond the scope of this blog, wont try getting into that shit...

So due to its such nature, no algorithm has been developed so far to completely tackle it..but I'm sure there are some heuristics...which are kept secret and only found in cryptic language of poetry or art...which are probably double NP, hence not very trusted in solving "condition X"...but for benefit(or not) most people, low efficiency algorithms are widely available in many movies...

So this "condition X" remains an open problem, so go and fuddle with it in you own fuckin' expert way...

Addiction prone vs. Addiction proof

There are two kinds of people in this world...they are : addiction prone and addiction proof...

Mind it!, people who never try give temptation the chance, don't count as addiction proof...they simply avoid addiction...to be addiction proof; you have to fight addiction and sacrifice it; though knowing that you want that thing badly, but letting it go...i'm not advocating in any sense to try addiction just to know which category you belong to, that would be insane, as so many people will have episodes of addiction proneness, so less can actually handle that....

So carrying on...i shouldn't have said people in the first line...cause even a single person can wobble between the two states, being so strong and rigid at one time and totally melted the next instant...thats true for all of us, i guess..
but if only we could know what makes us so weak at times, may be there would be no addiction proneness...i think it's the constant excuse that you've beared so much, you definitely deserve this indulgence...sometimes, its true; but mostly, you just want to divert your mind...

what if, its just for fun??...addiction isn't fun; i dont think addicts are happy being addicts(unless its something really harmless like japanese comics)..i saw this movie "going broke", reality based, recently, here a working mother of two, gets addicted to gambling and ends up stealing from her company, her kids and finally ending up in jail...you see that movie, and ask yourself: "how do you justify that?"...well; you don't justify that, because you know that you'll never do anything like that, ever...yet to her, who lived through it, this happened like a chain of events, like a cooking recipe whose end dish you haven't seen, but you continue making it only to find out, that it is a recipe for dynamite...


it takes more than strength to walk out of an addiction, it takes the willingness to do that..."Requiem for a dream" is a movie that so extra-ordinarily portrays how things roll out of control...it is a spine-chilling rendition of your "addiction prone-self" overpowering your "addiction proof-self"; 4 people get their dreams bulldozered by the weight of their addiction...will talk about that movie in detail some other time, saw it long time back actually...but a highly recommended movie, to those who haven't seen it...it can alter how you see things, atleast for few hours...

No conclusion. can't think of any..

Why hiccough??

If anyone ever reads it, that is, if it doesn't get lost like all exciting things that first look so tempting, but as soon as you dip into the water, you know its freezing cold... you'll get the meaning...so the sentence was, if anyone ever reads it, there would be a distinct statistical number which would ask why hiccough??...Well, the answer is- its not related, i just love the word....

but if i had to find a relation, between this blog and hiccough, it would be....hiccough is a universal thing, it's involuntary and though being a simple medical condition, has a very strange spelling( modern word is hiccup) and the strangest myth associated with it, that every time you get that hiccough, someone just remembered you!!!...this blog,
(again if it survives the test of my procrastination or of its unpopularity, whichever comes first) ;
would be a little strange; a little nostalgic; a little worldly, but only through my mind's eye(haven't traveled much yet!) and a little freestyled (i'm not good with arranging data in a consolidated manner)....