The draping life.

Finding your place in life = finding a perfect dress.

You want something that should accentuate your features and (almost) hide your flaws. Something that fits, allows your free spirit to explore and explode (in a non-destructive way) and looks killer too.

So, you look around and see plenty of these, each one hanging like an illusion. But though you know that, any one of those expensive, alluring dresses could be the one for you; you have to remember that you can't go over-budget..and so you settle for something less extra-ordinary. And keep reminding yourself to be happy with your choice.

And then, sometimes when the day doesn't go that well, like some plane just crashed at your door step.. you go wild shopping.. trying out bizarre stuff.. fitting into things that aren't meant for you.. some are too big for you, you feel lost and inadequate.. some too small, selling yourself short this time.. some too wacky, some too dull..you spend almost a lifetime telling yourself, you looked good into those ill-fitting dresses; until you find the one that belonged to you.

What you see, is so beautiful and complements you so well, that you can't imagine how you lived without it all these years.. You feel right wearing it, its not tight or loose, its not gaudy nor plain, its doesn't make you look fat or short or clumsy or weird, its in your budget; it always was but was hidden from you behind the expensive display dresses.. its the perfect dress. its the perfect life.

Quiet and Restless!

So my Youth for Development (YfD) for six months at Umang, Jaipur is over.. so, I'm at this Global Arts Village, MG road with fellow volunteers to reflect on the internship.. so, I'm meeting all these friends who worked in villages with no loo, in Naxal belts, in places where there was no order, places I probably have no information about.. and so, I should be excited and overflowing with experiences tumbling my hyper-active imagination.. but however, I feel quiet and restless!!

After a long time, I feel so strange, that I can't categorize my emotion. I am missing the place where I spent, probably the most useful six months of my life.. obviously, I miss the kids, their animated eyes, always looking out, always fascinated.. addictive stuff!!!.. while trying to translate them, while trying to extract maximum out of these six months, while sipping incessant coffees at Indian Coffee House, JKK with the amazing friends I made there, while exploring the third side of coin with Joe and while running after bus no. 220, I had no time to think about what is it that I got myself into.

Connected..not yet!

Sometimes in life you feel everything is so connected; as if a mesh of paper-pins entangled into each other.. one thing works, everything kind of kick-starts or one thing goes wrong, and its like a nuclear chain reaction ending in utter and complete destruction..

What I'm trying to say here, is that there is an underlying anomaly in my life, a thing that keeps coming back to haunt me. An under-rated fear perhaps, of making a mistake and be so blind as not to see it until its very late. And it is this fear, that shows up whenever something blows into my face. I wish I could avoid it forever, as I do ignore it most of the time, you know like being totally engrossed in something so as to tell myself that the fear doesn't exist. But it does, and it bottles up every time I choose laziness and mediocrity over a belief in my abilities.

Actually, the truth is... that I'm having a bad day!.. and what kills me more is that there are more to come, until I find a new Job, either with better money or with better connection to my thoughts and my spirit.. I don't want to be dying just wishing there was so much I could do, I want to get atleast 80% of my unsettled, confused dreams to materialize.. but how??