So I finally reached Ladakh today. Still blooming like an idiot, thinking about the moments my heart froze with wonder while in the sky. There comes a point, when from the clouds, slowly and stealthily, mountains appear, and they keep getting whiter and whiter until they are like giant bodies sleeping under snow blankets. The aged Air India air-hostess found me amusing, I guess. Whenever she’d see me sticking to the window of 21A seat with eyes wide and mesmerized as if of a new-born, she’d give me this smile that I still can’t classify as mocking or sweet. When I got out of the plane, flight IC445, I could almost sense a tear materializing in my eyes overwhelmed by the feeling that I’m in Leh. I kind of, killed it mid-way so that the fellow passengers might not give me ‘the look’. The fellow passengers, for whom the grand welcome by this mountain, with few streaks of white hair, on the regular coiffure of brown strands, was less extra-ordinary than it was for me.
I’ve been advised by the family that I’m staying with to take complete rest today, i.e. I can’t go out. So I’ve been talking, reading, eating but could not keep myself from reminiscing.
I don’t understand what exactly it means to miss someone. I keep getting glimpses of the kids at Umang, Jaipur; especially Sambhav, Yuvraaj, Meera, Yashank, Priyanshu, Ishaan.. so many of them.. I’ve just arrived here in Leh, and I’m imagining how Sambhav will give that disarming smile when he sees me in July, how Yuvraaj will say ‘Dilli chalo’ when I spoil him with love, how Meera would ask for more homework... I am telling you; I think that’s closest to missing someone I could feel and describe.
I should seriously stop listening to these old soft songs. It’s making me weak with memories. Just faces, so many people, friends.. Trivandrum, Jaipur, College, Colony, Pravah; of course Dad, the way he just kills me with his unsaid love and the way he takes care of everything, even when the thankless daughter loiters away.. I’ve always tried to lock memories to deep undergrounds only to be dug in times of urgency or times like these; when I lie with body weight resting on elbows, face resting on the edge of the bedside, eyes resting on the particles of immense beauty outside the window, thoughts resting on the hopelessly romantic songs in the background. How can happiness fill you with so much heaviness! (Never mind the jump; I guess I’m still recovering from Milan Kundera’s ‘Unbearable lightness of being’). I’m switching back to tougher music now. I should be better now!
Lights went out, just had another cup of tea with the aunty and chatted about her son Shabir and life here and there. I love her already, she’s incredibly lovely, has this simplicity about her when she talks and a lovely mother-like voice (with of course, Urdu and Ladakhi intonation).
There is an uncomfortable silence in the room, when she leaves and the music is out. If I don’t hold myself back, it seems like I might be sucked away by feelings that I know nothing of. Where is my tough music, I need a stay on this. Too much reflection makes my head heavy.
Date: 28-04-10
I’ve been advised by the family that I’m staying with to take complete rest today, i.e. I can’t go out. So I’ve been talking, reading, eating but could not keep myself from reminiscing.
I don’t understand what exactly it means to miss someone. I keep getting glimpses of the kids at Umang, Jaipur; especially Sambhav, Yuvraaj, Meera, Yashank, Priyanshu, Ishaan.. so many of them.. I’ve just arrived here in Leh, and I’m imagining how Sambhav will give that disarming smile when he sees me in July, how Yuvraaj will say ‘Dilli chalo’ when I spoil him with love, how Meera would ask for more homework... I am telling you; I think that’s closest to missing someone I could feel and describe.
I should seriously stop listening to these old soft songs. It’s making me weak with memories. Just faces, so many people, friends.. Trivandrum, Jaipur, College, Colony, Pravah; of course Dad, the way he just kills me with his unsaid love and the way he takes care of everything, even when the thankless daughter loiters away.. I’ve always tried to lock memories to deep undergrounds only to be dug in times of urgency or times like these; when I lie with body weight resting on elbows, face resting on the edge of the bedside, eyes resting on the particles of immense beauty outside the window, thoughts resting on the hopelessly romantic songs in the background. How can happiness fill you with so much heaviness! (Never mind the jump; I guess I’m still recovering from Milan Kundera’s ‘Unbearable lightness of being’). I’m switching back to tougher music now. I should be better now!
Lights went out, just had another cup of tea with the aunty and chatted about her son Shabir and life here and there. I love her already, she’s incredibly lovely, has this simplicity about her when she talks and a lovely mother-like voice (with of course, Urdu and Ladakhi intonation).
There is an uncomfortable silence in the room, when she leaves and the music is out. If I don’t hold myself back, it seems like I might be sucked away by feelings that I know nothing of. Where is my tough music, I need a stay on this. Too much reflection makes my head heavy.
Date: 28-04-10
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