The side look

She looked so indifferent
walked as if some other world
crashed today here
and she's lost
and she has lost

things worked around her
but didn't seem to exist
maybe a ghost
but she gave a side look
and thats all it took

the dead struggle
restarted and redied
the flame in her eyes
she didn't loose , didn't crack
today she got herself back.

Long Walks!!

I can safely announce that I love long walks... provided, the weather is cool; there's nice smooth breeze, and I've my Ipod on, or a really interesting company... and when I come to think of it, who wouldn't???... anyways, latter is better, coz I kind of have music as my savior through out the day, like in 764, or my way to JNU or between classes or climbing stairs etc...

Its funny I don't feel tired even after hours of such walks, and I can start panting in minutes if either the music or the company goes away... God!! this btp is making me so lame, what am I writing; I think my head is going dry.. Gone are the lush creative rain-forests!!!; all I have now, is dry drain.. I honestly, have nothing to write, but I am going to, coz I haven't in a really long time.. and now I'm done.

my btp.

For those who don't know, btp is B. Tech project, which engineering ppl have to sail before they finally pass out... like the last lap or something... bloody 8 credits worth... and mine is driving me nuts...

Its like, hardly 2 months of my college life is left, it really disappoints (plus distresses plus scares plus agonizes) me to be thinking about this project, and having the sun-bath on my way to JNU while i pursue it...

I know, its stupid to be doing it at JNU; well!! actually it made sense sometime back.. i thought it'll be exciting and something concrete to finish off the college.. but i think i missed out the fact that, it'll take every second of my few last days of my NSIT stay...

Can anyone tell me, why i everytime, take the axe out and fix it on the ground; and then throw my leg on it; and then hit it again with another axe :((((

Something strange..

different, but indifferent
divisive, but indecisive
has the guts, but lacks courage
melting into a crowd
but there is something strange,
that always stands out..

speaks less, but says more
eyes of a mind freak, still unexplored
lost without a reason, yet razor sharp
soulful, but acts like a jackass
that something strange
none other with that level of class..

research papers..

i hate them.. i cannot read them, trying to read makes me hate my life and jump into an ocean.. how can ppl be so cruelly boring and flat.. i must have done some brutal crimes in my past life, for these sufferings.

Types of energy.

Ya we all know about the scientific stuff, and obviously this isn't about that.. this is my take on types of energy..

One is "pissed-off energy", with which i'm literally oozing today.. this shit-hole said something to me, really trivial but i got all sparked up, and it all got channeled up in the game, in which for a change, i did okay-gud.. really powerful this energy is!!

And then theres this "nervous energy".. kind-of like a key characteristic, of people who are trying something for the first time, or something they're not good at.. they act so over-enthusiastic, sometimes even shaky, that they look ultra cute(these are mostly ppl who are otherwise used to being good at their own thing).. its something very vulnerable in the way they do the whole thing, that you can't stop adoring them!!

Ya one more.. "bull-shit energy".. kind of specific, in its domain; this energy gives people with "balloon ego" (that is ego without any basis, plain air), the power to misrepresent themselves in their own eyes.. they bullshit around, making others uncomfortable, so that they can get their fuel, and survive their empty, meaningless, untalented, insecure life... classic case of pulling someone down, to make yourself look tall.. and its almost amazing, how artlessly people do this!!

What else do we have.. i call this one "people energy".. its something like, you are able to do certain things when you're among certain group of people or may be just that one special person, whatever.. i think, what its based on, is your so much wanting to be impressive to that group, that you get this unknown force that drives your, otherwise lazy bums, to really prove yourself out there..

Last i remember, this one's "talk energy".. i've already mentioned somewhere in my blog, how powerful a good conversation can be.. this one goes out for that counseling, for that cheering, for that pep-talk that can make all the difference.. words if used wisely, can talk anyone into doing the unthinkable.. i think, that is why you really need friends, you need someone to reassure you about how good you're, and then you go nail that kick-ass game or interview or show or test or whatever..

Excruciating!!

I finally know what i hate the most about big gatherings, where you don't know anyone.. its the part, when they get excruciatingly monotonous.. and btw, this is officially an outburst, after i been to one such gathering tonight..

almost 50% of people there don't care to change their expressions or their positions, except when the food arrives.. its their face with their whole life story written on it, nothing separates them, all with same forced cheerfulness which vanishes away as the host turns, they sit in one corner guarded by their likes sulking inside, and trying to maintain a plain, composed face..

then there are some others... filled with some unforeseen energy from some secret moon of some secret planet.. i mean, they are sincerely putting a lot of effort to lift the spirit of the humdrum around; but they just look so out of place.. i can't understand how you connect to so many unconnected people, coz thats how most of them are.. looking at their watches, more often than they'd look at the carefully assembled arrangement or the slogged decoration; they're unconnected like skull and blackboard.. for them, this meant just banging their skulls against the board, which definitely changes nothing, except making them crankier as night passes..

and you would initially think that kids, would "save" you, from this pain of boredom; but you see, its only "initially" that they seem to do something interesting; then they also, like Bollywood directors start selling the same cake in different packs, and that doesn't remain cute for long..
so you keep looking around, in sheer hope of a face that is worth observing.. but BANG!! you eyed some aunty who now keeps staring or passing smiles at you, and you'd curse yourself for looking at her in the first place..

i really don't think i can survive anything like this, for a long time now.. had exercised all my brain energy tonight to try to remain awake there in that crowd of monotonous faces.. why can't they make this a rule; kind-of a reservation of 15% for people with interesting habits, who can help keep a gathering alive..